Reinvention of Self
Reinvention of Self

Reinvention of Self

Some people would say I’m crazy; some might even go so far as to call me stupid.  Fear would dictate that I ask myself if they are right.  Fear would also tell me that they are, or that I can’t, or any number of a host of reasons for me to stick with the status quo instead of attempting a reinvention of myself at fifty-one.  The status quo is okay, but… is it enough?  I’ve asked myself this question numerous times over the past few months, and I have come to the conclusion that I want more than the status quo can offer me. 

Fear has driven my indecision for so long, and yet, I’ve learned throughout my life that ninety percent of the things we fear never materialize.  So, knowing this, and knowing that I am currently in a position to take a couple of years off from a traditional job, I have asked myself, “If not now, then when?”  When will I stop allowing fear of failure to direct my thinking?  When will I stop being afraid of risk?  The truth is, I never will.  I will always fear risk, always fear the unknown, but I know that great reward only comes with great risk.  The reward for me is that I get to embark on a personal journey of rebirth and growth.

I have taken risks before, and even experienced some metamorphoses as I’ve lived this life of five decades (Shit, I sound old.  I hope I don’t look it!).  I’ve been in the Navy, lived and traveled extensively through Europe, and retired.  I’ve changed jobs several times, from dental assistant to cop to Human Resources Manager.  I have tried new activities, like SCUBA, painting, and Jeeping.  I’ve grown my hair long and buzzed it almost completely off.  I even died it blue for a summer!  I have been married, divorced, and now, widowed.   Most importantly, I have not only survived, but thrived through many of these changes.

This time is different.  This time, I am stepping into a complete unknown, without the assurance of a safety net.  It is only because of my husband that I am able to take this big of a risk, and there has not been a better time in my life to take the plunge into the unknown… If not now, then when?

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8 Comments

  1. Deb

    Jeanne I am so proud of you for taking this leap of faith. I am inspired by your strength, courage, love and fight.
    You’re right. If not now , when?
    You’re right too that fear can only hold us back from even trying something new. I honestly have visions of taking that leap but am still frozen in the “What if I fail”
    You have given me the encouragement to take that step into the unknown.
    Hell, what’s the worst that can happen? It doesn’t work out? At least I’ll go down fighting!
    I am your biggest cheerleader in this new venture and can’t wait to see what you will write next.
    Congratulations!
    This isn’t just a step forward, it’s a jump in the right direction.
    Oh and thanks
    . I truly needed this tonight

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