Congratulations! It’s a Girl!!! Becoming a Mom at 51

Hello, my dear readers!  I am back!  I realize that it has been a long time since I have written, but I was traveling and ended up with Covid.  Although it felt like a bad cold, I was absolutely wiped out, and I am still having days where all I want to do is sleep. I sure am glad I had taken the vaccine though because it could have been much worse.  However, I digress.

Abby and I went to the lake to see Mom and Dad and spend the Fourth of July with them.  We had a good trip and got to see beloved family that we don’t often see.  My aunt Jenny (it feels so weird to call her that, since she’s only two years older than me and we used to party together twenty years ago!), my cousin Sarah, and our friend Amanda all came down to the lake to spend the day with us on the weekend.  They came with gifts for Abby and me.  They had gotten us these great cloths that we can use as wraps or drapes when hanging by the pool.  No gift from Jenny would be complete without monogramming it…  Abby’s says, “Jeanne’s Kid”, and mine says “Abby’s Mom”.  We absolutely love them!  We showed them off this weekend when we finally were able to invite people over to the pool again.

As many of you know, I had been in the process of adopting Abby when Grubby died.  We had started it, but not finished it.  Just two and a half months after he died, Abby’s grandmother filed for custody and at the pre-trial hearing, she learned that an adoption was already in progress.  Of course, she objected, and everything went haywire.  Abby maintained all the way along that she wanted to remain here with me, and that she still wanted me to adopt her.  She told her grandmother that to no avail.  She asked me to fight for her.  We went through the Guardian ad Litem visit, multiple filings from her attorney, and finally, it was time for the trial. 

The court date arrived in January, and we all went to court.  I had six witnesses and two attorneys with me.  I had expected to hear from Abby’s grandmother requesting to see her while she was here for the hearing, but she never contacted me.  When we were at the court that day, the lawyers went into a room and did lawyer stuff before coming out to talk to me in a side room.  Basically, if the adoption was granted, there would be an appeal on the basis that there had been no Social Services visit done.  Instead of forcing us all to go through a trial, I chose to allow a continuance so that Social Services could visit and make their report to the judge. 

When Social Services came to visit, the Social Worker concluded her visit by asking me one final question – “Why do you feel that you are better suited to raise Abby than the other party?”  My answer was quite simple, “I don’t know that I am the better person to raise her, but I do know that she asked me to adopt her.  I do know that she has remained steadfast in her desire to remain here with me.  I do know that on February 25^th last year, I asked her what she wanted, since I knew that the equation had changed since her father had died, and she stated that she wanted to stay here with me, so we went to the courthouse that afternoon and I was granted total and permanent custody of her.  I do know that in the days following Grubby’s death, I tucked her in every night, and I woke her up again every morning, but no one would have blamed me if I had been unable to care for her, if I had been a zombie.  I do know that not once in those days did her grandmother ask me if she could come up here and help with Abby, nor did she ask Abby how she was doing.  I do know that when Abby came to live here, she refused to eat anything that wasn’t processed, she took eleven pills a day for ADHD, depression, and eczema.  I know that she now eats vegetables, even orders asparagus and broccoli when we are out to dinner.  I know that she now takes four pills a day.  I know that she doesn’t have eczema, unless she has been in Florida.  I know that her grades are good, she is playing clarinet, and she is happy.  I know that twelve weeks after her father died, she had straight As, whereas her algebra grade had been an F at the time of his death.  So, I don’t know whether or not I am the better person to raise her, but I do know that she is a completely different child than the one who came to live with us, that she is healthy and happy, and she is thriving, in spite of losing both parents.”

Finally, after over a year of waiting, going back and forth with attorneys, on July 11^th, the judge signed off on the adoption, and it became official.  I am officially “Abby’s Mom”, and she is officially “My Kid”.  My parents officially have a third grandchild, although they have treated her as such from Day One.  I don’t know why things happen the way they do sometimes, but I know that they happen the way they are supposed to.  It took me 51 years to become a Mom – something I had never wanted before – but I would go to the mat for that child every single day.  She is as stubborn as her dad, and sometimes she can be difficult (I mean, she IS 15 after all!), but she makes it easy to love her.  She has Grubby’s smile, and his sense of humor, and she is so very strong.  It may have taken me 51 years, but I finally got there.  Here’s to watching her continue to blossom and thrive, and to knowing that I had a hand, however small, in her development.  Welcome Home, Abs!  You’re officially stuck with me now, Goober!