Remembering My Journey Through the Past Thirty Years

I’ve spent the past few days gathering some documentation from my old journals for something.  It has been an emotional time reading all of the memories – “nights I can’t remember with friends I’ll never forget” (Thank you for that great line, Toby Keith!).  After perusing over 30 years’ worth of writing, I realize that I have lived a lot of life in those years!

From my first great love and devastating heartbreak in Connecticut to my most recent great love and devastating heartbreak in Virginia, and everywhere in between, I poured my life out onto those pages – my hopes, my dreams, my fears, my losses – all of it.  Someday, Abby will have quite a story to read, and all of it has led me to here, the person I am today.  Thank goodness I have saved them all… that will be my legacy one day… Jeanne’s Story.

Sometimes, I wrote every day, and other times, I would go months between writing.  Some of the entries were mundane stuff, just talking about the day-to-day, while others were an in-depth look into my psyche.  Some were serious, and some were just silly. 

I wrote of my life with Mark, the first great love I had.  We met 30 years ago in Connecticut, and I still remember it like it was yesterday.  I wrote of our adventures, our nights out, my countless visits to the Dallas when he was on duty, and my trips back and forth to Pennsylvania after he got out of the Navy… and then, I wrote of the agony I felt when I received his email (from his AOL address, no less!) telling me that he had found someone else, that we were over.  I carried that pain for a long time before I could talk about him without feeling sad. 

I wrote of realizing that Coke cans were written in Italian when I moved to Italy, things you never would think about.  I wrote of my little dog that I adopted there, Cocco, and all of her antics (chewing the refrigerator cord, the futon mattress, table legs, and jumping from a sound sleep to the word “Mufasa” while watching “The Lion King”).  I wrote of new friends I met there, some who remain such an important part of my life today. 

I traveled!  Oh, the adventures I had!  What an amazing time of reflection I had when I traveled to Capri for a weekend alone.  The magic of taking the overnight train to Venice and watching the Sun rise over the Venetian Lagoon as we approached Santa Lucia Station.  My adventures on the ship when we went to the Black Sea visiting ports in Ukraine, Romania, and Bulgaria that had been very restricted for Americans less than ten years before!  Driving through Northern Italy and into France with my American car and my American passport!  I wrote of the food, the drink, the lifestyle… all of it as I took it in. 

I wrote of moving to Greece, and how much I did not want to go!  And, then, I wrote of how much I loved it there.  I wrote of diving and Jeeping, food, the language, all of it, including my silly little dog that had been traveling back and forth to Europe and the States with me for thirteen years!  I wrote the list of reasons why Grubby had to get out of the hospital and get home!  Number one on the list was so that he could get rid of his rental wife (me!)! 

I wrote of post-retirement fears: would I get a job?  Could I afford to live and pay my mortgage?  What would life look like for me going forward?  Would I be able to do well in college (I finally managed to graduate 30 years after my high school graduation with a 4.0!)?  And, I wrote of post-retirement life: nights and weekends and trips with Steve and Shana and the kids. 

I wrote pros and cons of relationships and moving to Virginia to be with Grubby – my most recent great love.  I wrote of the trials and tribulations we went through as we settled in to our life together, me adapting to life as a stepmother, him adapting to life with me, the plans we’d made, the dreams we’d shared, until one day… there was no more.  Grubby was gone and I was left trying to figure out what my life would be now.  Here I was, a 50 year old woman, with a child I never knew I wanted, and somehow, some way, I managed to tuck her in every night and wake her up every morning.  Somehow, I’ve managed to keep going, even just a little bit. 

I’ve written of tragedies and triumphs, of joys and sorrows.  My life’s journey has been nothing short of an adventure, and I have had some amazing people join me along the way.  Some have joined for a season, and some have stayed for a lifetime.  If someone had told me 30 plus years ago that I would be a widowed, single mother living in rural Virginia and carting my daughter here and there for Band, I would have told them they were crazy!  This was never the life I’d imagined for myself, but it is life.  On my worst days, I have to remember that it isn’t about the destination, but about the ride and man, what a ride I’ve had!  Here’s to many more miles of adventures!