VROOM VROOM! Loud Pipes Save Lives in Unexpected Ways

Originally written April 29, 2024

Abby and I had an opportunity to attend a motorcycle poker run, hosted by Strength & Honor Motorcycle Club – Tredegar Iron chapter to benefit FirstHelp. When I first told her that we had been invited, she was so excited and even asked if she could have my leather jacket. I laughed at her and told her there was no way she was getting that jacket! I’ve had that jacket for over 30 years! The stories it could tell… but that is not what this post is about. Maybe I will tell them in another blog, later down the road.

I volunteered to speak at the end of the poker run, before the drawing began for the raffled items (which included a set of Grubby’s golf clubs! One down, four more to go!). For me, it is important to share the good and bad parts of our journey. It helps me become more at peace with the life I have now. It wasn’t one I would have asked for, and I certainly didn’t choose it, but it’s here and it’s mine. I can choose to make the best of it, or not. That’s really all I have control over. 

Like most of you, I get a lot of calls soliciting donations for this or that organization. That whole Do-Not-Call Registry is a joke, because the PACs and 501(c)3 organizations like the National Fraternal Order of Police are exempted from being bound by it. As soon as the voice is finished begging me for money, they ask what amount they can put me down for, and I ask them what percentage of my donation actually goes to the cause it is for. I’ve never been given a straight answer, so I don’t part with money. I’ve even gone so far as to ask the NFOP where my support is because I, too, am a Law Enforcement Widow. Of course, there is never a solid answer.

FirstHelp, though, is different. When I asked the CFO what percentage of the donations received went directly to help the families in some form or another, I was given the answer without hesitation – 96%. I’ve since been able to verify that information through federal tax filings. I felt that it was my duty to share this information with these men and women, from a number of different motorcycle clubs, who were giving so freely to support a cause that I hope few of them ever have to live with directly. In all, over $14K was raised for FirstHelp!

The next time you see a group of tattooed, bearded, leather-clad men and women out riding for a cause, give them a wave. They are doing more than most people ever realize and seeking nothing in return. I hope that by sharing our story with them, we gave them the knowledge that they are truly helping.

We were the faces of FirstHelp that day: the faces of every widow, every child, every sibling, every parent, and even every survivor from the agencies. We were the ones who could talk about the fact that within a week of me registering a placeholder for Grubby on the Honor Wall for BlueHelp, I received a care package in the mail from them with a blanket, candle, cards, and an invitation to join the private Facebook Family Group. It was such a comfort to know that I was not alone in what I was facing over the next few weeks, months, and even years. It was such a comfort to know that I had found a group that got it, that knew what an uphill battle I may have ahead, but who all said, “We’ve got you.”

From the care packages to Operation Santa, where parents can submit ideas for their kids for Christmas when money is especially tight, and beyond, FirstHelp has benefitted us and so many others like us in countless ways. From bringing families to Texas in September each year for the Family Honor Weekend, to sending out memorial ornaments at Christmas, providing Resiliency Training to agencies at no cost, linking us to resources that we may find helpful, and even being instrumental in passing the Public Safety Officers Support Act of 2022, a federal law that for the first time, offers the possibility of receiving benefits following a First Responder suicide… each of these things has made a difference in our someone’s life, given someone a little hope and a bit of light during the darkest days.

I will never stop being grateful to FirstHelp for all that it has given us, but most of all, for hope. To think that this was all started by one woman with a vision and a passion for helping families who have lost a First Responder to suicide is simply awe-inspiring. Even one voice can get attention when it’s directed to the right ear. I hope that my voice can be some small part of the larger voice that continues to push for better Mental Health Awareness for our First Responders. Unfortunately, families continue to be affected by suicide among First Responders, and it seems that every couple of days, there are new ones joining us in this awful club, and yet, the majority of the FirstHelp Board are strictly volunteers.

If you or anyone you know would like to donate, you may do so here: https://1sthelp.org/donate/. Any and all donations are always appreciated.

Thank you again to SHMC -TI for your support and inviting me to join you… and yes, Abby got my jacket!

Abby and I had an opportunity to attend a motorcycle poker run, hosted by Strength & Honor Motorcycle Club – Tredegar Iron chapter to benefit FirstHelp. When I first told her that we had been invited, she was so excited and even asked if she could have my leather jacket. I laughed at her and told her there was no way she was getting that jacket! I’ve had that jacket for over 30 years! The stories it could tell… but that is not what this post is about. Maybe I will tell them in another blog, later down the road.

I volunteered to speak at the end of the poker run, before the drawing began for the raffled items (which included a set of Grubby’s golf clubs! One down, four more to go!). For me, it is important to share the good and bad parts of our journey. It helps me become more at peace with the life I have now. It wasn’t one I would have asked for, and I certainly didn’t choose it, but it’s here and it’s mine. I can choose to make the best of it, or not. That’s really all I have control over. 

Like most of you, I get a lot of calls soliciting donations for this or that organization. That whole Do-Not-Call Registry is a joke, because the PACs and 501(c)3 organizations like the National Fraternal Order of Police are exempted from being bound by it. As soon as the voice is finished begging me for money, they ask what amount they can put me down for, and I ask them what percentage of my donation actually goes to the cause it is for. I’ve never been given a straight answer, so I don’t part with money. I’ve even gone so far as to ask the NFOP where my support is because I, too, am a Law Enforcement Widow. Of course, there is never a solid answer.

FirstHelp, though, is different. When I asked the CFO what percentage of the donations received went directly to help the families in some form or another, I was given the answer without hesitation – 96%. I’ve since been able to verify that information through federal tax filings. I felt that it was my duty to share this information with these men and women, from a number of different motorcycle clubs, who were giving so freely to support a cause that I hope few of them ever have to live with directly. In all, over $14K was raised for FirstHelp!

The next time you see a group of tattooed, bearded, leather-clad men and women out riding for a cause, give them a wave. They are doing more than most people ever realize and seeking nothing in return. I hope that by sharing our story with them, we gave them the knowledge that they are truly helping.

We were the faces of FirstHelp that day: the faces of every widow, every child, every sibling, every parent, and even every survivor from the agencies. We were the ones who could talk about the fact that within a week of me registering a placeholder for Grubby on the Honor Wall for BlueHelp, I received a care package in the mail from them with a blanket, candle, cards, and an invitation to join the private Facebook Family Group. It was such a comfort to know that I was not alone in what I was facing over the next few weeks, months, and even years. It was such a comfort to know that I had found a group that got it, that knew what an uphill battle I may have ahead, but who all said, “We’ve got you.”

From the care packages to Operation Santa, where parents can submit ideas for their kids for Christmas when money is especially tight, and beyond, FirstHelp has benefitted us and so many others like us in countless ways. From bringing families to Texas in September each year for the Family Honor Weekend, to sending out memorial ornaments at Christmas, providing Resiliency Training to agencies at no cost, linking us to resources that we may find helpful, and even being instrumental in passing the Public Safety Officers Support Act of 2022, a federal law that for the first time, offers the possibility of receiving benefits following a First Responder suicide… each of these things has made a difference in our someone’s life, given someone a little hope and a bit of light during the darkest days.

I will never stop being grateful to FirstHelp for all that it has given us, but most of all, for hope. To think that this was all started by one woman with a vision and a passion for helping families who have lost a First Responder to suicide is simply awe-inspiring. Even one voice can get attention when it’s directed to the right ear. I hope that my voice can be some small part of the larger voice that continues to push for better Mental Health Awareness for our First Responders. Unfortunately, families continue to be affected by suicide among First Responders, and it seems that every couple of days, there are new ones joining us in this awful club, and yet, the majority of the FirstHelp Board are strictly volunteers.

If you or anyone you know would like to donate, you may do so here: https://1sthelp.org/donate/. Any and all donations are always appreciated.

Thank you again to SHMC -TI for your support and inviting me to join you… and yes, Abby got my jacket!