As I scrolled on the internet today, I saw a headline that read, “Three Zodiac Signs That Will Have a Rough Day on December 19”. I’ve seen several of these types of clickbait headlines recently: What signs will have a good day, have luck in 2022, find love, etc. This made me think… can I really trust an article written by someone who reads the stars to tell me what kind of a day I will have? Do I not have any say in this at all? Does this mean that no matter what I do, my day is predetermined?
I am open to different beliefs, and diverse ways of doing things. Since Grubby died, I have tried all kinds of new things to try to help me heal my broken heart. I’ve tried float therapy, had my chakras read, meditation/prayer, meditation with a Tibetan Singing Bowl, staring at the stars and moon, talking to the stars and moon, burning incense, and sleeping with crystals under my pillow. And, yes, I’ve even read the horoscope articles that tell me what kind of a day to expect.
What I’ve learned is that it isn’t up to an article to tell me how my day will be. It is up to me. The astrologers can’t tell me when I am going to find love or have good luck or have a good day or a difficult day. Wouldn’t that be much easier? I never know what kind of days I am going to have. Some days, I can’t – I can’t function, I find breathing under the weight of my grief nearly impossible, I can’t people – I can’t do much of anything except be.
These articles never seem to be right about how my days are going to go for me. Perhaps it is because they are directed toward other, “normal” people, people who have not recently lost a loved one to suicide. Maybe those people are having these great days or these bad days. I wouldn’t know. I’m not one of “those people” anymore. Most of my days are “meh” for lack of a better word.
So far, as Christmas rapidly approaches, I haven’t had the impossible days I had anticipated. I’m not sure if it is because we are doing Christmas differently this year or not, but we have not inundated ourselves with decorating and baking and movies. I still listen to the music though. Music has always been my go-to, so it helps, but I am getting off-topic.
So, I do believe in destiny, that everything happens for a reason exactly the way it’s supposed to, but I don’t necessarily believe that an astrologer can tell me how I will “feel” about it. A good day, a bad day, or even a “meh” day are up to me. I also know that it is perfectly okay for me to have whatever feelings I have, and I don’t necessarily have to change those feelings. Grief is a process, and I must go through the process to get to the other side – the side where the “bad” days are maybe more “meh” than bad.
Someday… regardless of what the astrologers say.
Try….