I realize that I haven’t written any funny stories recently, so I thought I would share some funny moments from our recent cruise, instead of always being serious. I hope you will have a laugh as we did when these events transpired. No parents were harmed during the course of this adventure.
Abby and I flew down to Miami two days before the cruise left, as did Mom and Dad. We met up at the hotel once we had all arrived. When we left here, it was 34° and raining, with a chance of freezing precipitation later that afternoon. When we arrived in Miami, it was 82° and sunny! Our poor friends back home were freezing to death, and we were turning down the AC in our room because I thought I was going to melt!!! It’s their fault though. Any one of them could have joined us on the cruise, but they decided to stay home.
While we were in Miami, we took Dad to Joe’s Stone Crab. Now, if you don’t know about Joe’s, you’re missing out on one of life’s great experiences! Dad had been to Miami for some sort of educator’s conference when I was a young girl, maybe 45 years ago (damn, that makes me sound old!). I don’t remember anything about him being gone except for two things: that Steve told everyone that Dad was in “Dad’s Ami”, and that Dad came home talking about some apparently magical place called Joe’s Stone Crab (mind you, at that point, I had never tasted crab!). Dad was thrilled to finally get to have Joe’s again, and seeing him smile and talk about how his boss cleared out the bar was worth every second!
On Christmas Eve, the temperature in Miami had fallen and we were looking at temps in the low 50s, but at least it wasn’t the single digit temps everyone at home was dealing with. We finally boarded the ship in our matching t-shirts (“Aw ship… It’s a Christmas trip!”) and our Santa hats! Mom and Dad didn’t know what they were in for, as Abby and I had gotten a bunch of tropical Christmas decorations to decorate our hallway and doors with! As soon as our luggage was delivered, we set to work, hanging Santas with surfboards, flamingos in Santa hats, and palm trees in the hall, and even a stocking with ukuleles on it to hang on their door. It looked life a tropical elf had thrown up all over that section, but it was fun and that would be the first time I’ve decorated anything for Christmas since Grubby died! It’s a start though.
We had a couple of nice days on the ship, including a leisurely Christmas Day where we sported our “Merry Cruisemas” shirts, matching pajama pants, and Santa hats, before we started pulling into our ports! Our ports were all new to Mom and Dad and, with the exception of St Maarten, to Abby and me. We did guided tours of all four ports, and I had to walk back out of the port area in St Maarten to visit the cheese shop to stock up! By now, our temps were well into the mid-high 80s, while everyone back home was still freezing. Suckas!!!
The port in Barbados was a bit of a Charlie Foxtrot (Clusterf*&%, for my non-military friends and Hallie, who probably thinks that Cappuccino Frappe is the phonetic spelling!), and many of us were very late getting to our tours, but we still did our tour and everything worked out… until we returned to the port building. When we got back to the port building, we loaded Dad into the wheelchair that had somehow sailed with us from the Port of Miami, and proceeded to check out a little bit of shopping before going back to the ship. We stopped right away at a kiosk selling hot sauce because Dad is a connoisseur of all things hot. After looking at their selection and making our purchase, we looked up, only to realize that Mom was nowhere to be found! Now, anyone who knows my mom knows that she is known for wandering off, much like a fish that becomes distracted by shiny things! But, here we are in a foreign port, with no way to reach her and the clock is ticking on what will surely be a long trip back down the pier. Meanwhile, she is walking around using her stick, and I never thought she could move that fast, but damn, she was quick! Abby went in and out of shops looking for her, to no avail. I left Abby with Dad and went back through to double check. Sure enough, no Mom! As I returned to where Dad and Abby were parked, I realized that I had to get Dad to the ship quickly so that if she wasn’t on board, I could run back and attempt to find her again, without missing the “All Aboard” time, just an hour from that moment! I started down the ragged concrete pier at a brisk pace, with Abby in tow and Dad along for his thrill ride of the trip, when all of a sudden the front wheel hit a pothole and came to an abrupt halt as the spokes broke off! I didn’t dump Dad onto the pavement, but I am sure he felt like he was on Big Thunder Mountain or something. With the help of a sympathetic bus driver, we made it back to the ship and once we scanned onboard, I learned that Mom had already boarded, thank goodness!
I was able to get Mom and Dad out to go play some games on the ship, and I am proud to say that we represented Memphis well on The King vs Queen music trivia. We nailed all of the Elvis songs but did not do as well on the Queen songs (we aren’t British! That’s my story and I am sticking to it!). They also enjoyed listening to the different musicians. When they were on their balcony, Mom serenaded Deck 10 port aft with her ukulele! I took them to a nice quiet area on the shady side of the ship one day and they got to sit out and watch the ocean. They hadn’t even known this existed!
On New Year’s Eve, we went to one of the lounges and found a place to sit as we awaited the countdown to 2023. Dad decided to go for a stroll, leaving Mom and I at the table. He walked along past the bar, stopped near the entrance for a minute and turned to walk down the ramp and through the crowd to the dance floor, which is of course, quite bright but also quite empty. He continued on and ended up against the wall near the left side of the stage. By now, Mom and I are howling… I mean, tears, cackling, braying, snorting, the whole nine yards. He stood down there for a few minutes looking around. Some ladies came and sat at the table beside us between us and the wall where he was. They asked if they took someone’s seat, and I told them that we were just laughing at that man. Then, I told them he was my dad. So, he started looking our direction and one of them waved to him and he started toward us. He stopped at the table of ladies and told them we were playing hide and seek! It was a scream!!!
Earlier I had ordered him a Coke, and the waiter had brought a Diet Coke. While he took what seemed like an eternity to return with a Coke, Dad told me to “hold this” so he could stand up and stretch! I said, “Hold what? Your hand?” He said, “My non-existent Coke.” I told him I placed it on the table. When he sat back down, he reached over and picked up the non-existent Coke and proceeded to drink, before setting it down and burping! The next time he picked up the non-existent Coke, he placed a straw in it so he could sip it! He is a mess!!!
Not to be outdone by her GrandBarb and GrandBill, Abby had to provide some entertainment of her own. On New Year’s Eve, she wore a sequined romper, along with a plastic NYE hat courtesy of the ship! She looked at herself in the mirror and decided she looked like a Can Can girl! I’m not even sure how she knew what a Can Can girl was, or how she knew the theme from Candide, but she ended up taking one of their sticks and showing us how to dance the Can Can, tipping her hat and all!
It wasn’t a traditional Christmas, and we missed our Johnson City family, but we had a great time overall, and we made memories. There wasn’t a heap of presents under a tree for us to open, but we got the best gift of all – the gift of time.
So fun! Love the matching outfits!
It was a really nice time, and I am glad we had it.
I loved this! Laughing until the tears run all over again.
I was laughing when I wrote it!
VERY GOOD, You have FUN FUN FUN written all through This.