Finding Hope in the Unexpected

I was recently faced with the question, “What has turned out better than you expected?”  You might think that would be a difficult question for someone whose entire world shattered 18 months ago, but it wasn’t.  Immediately, the answers began bubbling to the surface – sobriety, not going to Gitmo, moving to Crete, adopting Abby were all right up at the top of the list. 

When I was at my “bottom” and knew that it probably had something to do with my drinking, I knew that something had to change.  I was terrified of what that change would look like.  I didn’t want to see myself become uptight, boring, and overly dramatic (as if I wasn’t already, but that’s for another day!).  I was terrified that I would lose friends and have no social life at all.  What I found was vastly different.  Instead of losing what I thought was this great life that anyone would be envious of – living in Europe, single, nice house, nice cars, money in the bank, lots of parties and dinners out with friends from all over Europe, travel, and adventure – I decided to take a chance and put my trust in something else and I found English-speaking AA in Naples!  It wasn’t a large group, but everyone I met was so friendly and happy, and they included me from Day 1.  I began to have a new social group, although I still had a couple of friends left from my previous life.  Soon, my phone was always ringing or beeping – WAY more than it did when I was drinking!  I was invited to parties, even helped prepare for them, and I led a group of sober ladies in a hula dance at a Luau Party.  I learned how to dance sober, and would walk the streets of Naples for hours, just enjoying the life that I was living now.  I only wish I had figured all that out sooner. 

I left Naples to go to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, or Gitmo as we call it.  I was supposed to be going to the Joint Forces Detention Facility where al Qaeda operatives were being held, after completion of in-processing and training at Gulfport, Mississippi, and Fort Lewis, Washington.  In Gulfport, I was told I wasn’t going after all because of bad knees.  I was very disappointed, as I had gotten excited about the prospect of living on a tropical island!  I watched as all of the people who I had been with left to go forth, and all of a sudden, I was stuck in a shithole of a town (sorry to any readers from the area, but I was there five months after Katrina had nearly wiped it off the map!), with no clue as to what would happen next.  Where would I end up?  When would I go to wherever I would go?  How would I get there (I’d sold my car in Naples.)?  With the help of my brother, I was able to get my roadster (I had promised myself when I left Cuba that my next car would be a two-seat convertible.), and with the help of another friend of our family, I was able to get orders to Kings Bay, GA, where I would be stationed with my brother and his family!  Unfortunately, I still had to wait around Gulfport for a couple of months, which was NOT something I wanted to do, but at least I had transportation and I was able to drive up to the Memphis area ever couple of weekends to be with my parents and my grandmother.  I spent the weekend before I moved to Georgia with my grandmother.  We talked and laughed, and I celebrated her 82^nd birthday two days early with her.  She died a month later.  If I had gone to Cuba, I would have missed those weekends with Grandmother.  Time is not something we can ever get back, so although I was inconvenienced for a couple of months, it worked out for the best. 

After living in Georgia, working an awesome job with an awesome group of people, the Navy, in all its infinite wisdom, decided that I needed another year out of the country and slammed me with orders to Greece for my final tour before retirement!  Oh, how I fought this!  I was settled in Georgia, my family was there, my nephew was almost ready to be born, and I was content there!  I loved my little house and had no desire for any sort of change!  I fought until there was no hope of remaining in Georgia, and I ended up bawling my eyes out as I got on a plane in Jacksonville, Florida, with my two little basenjis, just nine days after my nephew was born!  After two connecting flights in the US, I arrived in Athens, where I was promptly told that Aegean Air could not fly my dogs to Crete with me because they did not have the right plane!  They were able to fly us the next day, but here I was – alone, stranded in an unfamiliar airport, with unfamiliar language and letters that I could not identify (except for the capital letters, thanks to the college Greek system!), with two dogs, a suitcase and two carry-ons, missing my Seabag, and the dog leashes that had been taped to the top of their crates, and I had to survive this until the next morning!  What the Hell was I supposed to do?  After a baggage handler from Aegean fashioned me two leashes out of rope, I finally cleared customs with all of my stuff and two yodeling dogs!  A nice American family assisted me across the street to the hotel, where I was able to bed down for the night and hopefully get to Crete in the morning.  I arrived on Crete and began to settle in a bit.  The next morning, I met Grubby – the man who would become my SCUBA buddy, my best friend, my wingman, the love of my life, and eventually my husband.  I also was able to make amends to two people I had lost touch with after I left Italy.  I grew to love Crete, and I was terribly sad when I left, even though I was returning home to Georgia!  If I had been given the chance to stay on Crete, I probably would have, but my time in the Navy was up, and they were sending me home to retire. 

Life took several twists and turns, and eventually, I ended up being a full-time stepmother to Abby.  When Grubby died, she looked at me and said she wanted to stay here with me, and she still wanted me to adopt her.  I had always been the one who never wanted kids, who didn’t particularly care for them, and who didn’t want to change my lifestyle, and here I was with a child who was a biological orphan.  I’ve grown to love her more than I ever dreamed possible.  People tell me all the time how lucky she is to have me, but the truth is, I am the lucky one.  She is the very best of her father and I see him in her smile every day!  She has taught me patience (except when she doesn’t get up to her alarm!) and kindness, and brought out a gentleness that I didn’t know I had.  She’s given me strength, even when all I wanted to do was lay down and die.  She is an amazing person, and it is my joy to see her grow and evolve into the woman she is becoming.  I can only believe that Grubby is smiling down upon her proudly, and saying, “I did that!”  Or perhaps he is whispering in my ear ever so softly, “You did that!”

None of these events turned out the way I thought they would, and yet, all of them turned out better!  I’ve learned that when I step out of the way and let life happen, life is usually pretty good after all.  I still struggle, of course, but when things are looking hopeless, I can look at a few other times when things appeared hopeless and see that, in the end, they were some of the best things that ever happened to me, and that brings me hope for tomorrow.