Happy Birthday Abba Dabba Do

Originally written May 11, 2024

Where has the time gone? It’s hard to believe that Abby is turning 17 today. I remember when she was just a little, chubby two-year old who punked me out for my laugh when I met her on Crete. The next time I saw her, she had just turned five. I’d just moved to Virginia to be with Grubby when he had his four weeks with her in the summer. Much to my chagrin, she took to me immediately.

After four weeks, Grubby took her back to her mother, and we saw her again after Christmas and at Spring Break. This was the cycle every year until just after her 12th birthday, when her mother died unexpectedly. Against her wishes and those of her grandmother, Grubby & I picked her up a week later and moved her to Virginia. She was so introverted, and yet, she loved people. She just kept to herself, playing on her Kindle or her phone, while adjusting to life in our house. She refused to eat a vegetable, or anything that wasn’t processed at first, but we kept working at it and finally began to get her to eat different foods, including vegetables. She started playing outside more, even venturing into the woods beside our house. Her smiles became more frequent and they began to reach her eyes. She has since told me that she can see the difference in her smile in her school pictures.

Over the next couple of years, Abby weathered schooling at her desk behind mine while the country shut down for Covid-19. That was a tough time for everyone, but especially for an ADHD kid who had never really had any structure in her life. Her grades were terrible during her first year of middle school, and I thought there had to be something we could do, but I didn’t know what. Pre-algebra was really difficult for her, but I enlisted John’s help to tutor her. She adores him and he’s such a math geek that I knew this was right up his alley.

Of course, when her Dad died, I adopted her and it became the two of us. I set rules and boundaries for her and she knew there would be consequences for not following those. Her grades skyrocketed that spring semester, and she finished her seventh grade year with straight As. I have days when I think I am failing as a parent, but then I see her – healthy, happy, and free – and I know I’m getting it right.

I’ve watched her grow into a strong-willed, independent thinker with a mischievous side like Grubby’s. She knows that her dimples have saved her more than once as she’s grown into her teenage years. She drives now – a stick shift at that – and I have had to tell her to stop calling me when she is driving because every time the phone rings, I go into full panic mode. We start and end every day with “I love you”, and she knows I’ve got her back. 

Now, I look at her, and in a few hours, she’s having friends over for her birthday. I wonder if she ever had a birthday party that consisted of anyone other than family. Today, when I see her smile, I sometimes think I am getting it right, even if I feel way out of my element being “Mom”. I can’t wait to see her having fun in the pool with her friends, and to see the look on her face when she sees the amazing birthday cake I got for her! It’s been hiding in the downstairs fridge since yesterday, when I very gingerly transported it in the trunk of the Bimmer!

She makes me proud to be a part of her life, even on the days when I could wring her neck. Some days, it seems like it is all a dream, and then I realize that in fact, this is my life now… a life I never thought I wanted,but a life I never knew I needed. Happy Birthday, Abba Dabba Doo! Keep reaching for the stars!