I just came in from shoveling more snow and clearing ice from the driveway, and I am sore, tired, and angry. I am angry that my husband isn’t here to do these chores, that he left me to take care of everything by myself. I am angry with him for leaving, even though I know it wasn’t him who made that choice. I’m angry that it is winter. I am outdone with the Pugs for not wanting to go do their business in the snow. I hate the cold, and I wish for summer. However, I know that this, too, shall pass and there are steps that I can take to turn things around.
Something I have learned over the course of my life is to make myself a gratitude list when I find myself getting upset. Sure, I am tired from the shoveling, and my back aches, but I am grateful that I have a home to call my own, that I have not one, but two, cars in the driveway. I’m grateful that I have the use of my legs and am physically able to shovel my driveway, even if my little car is probably stuck in the garage for a few more days.
As much as I hate the snow, I love the calm that I felt last night when the full moon was reflected off of a blanket of snow, when the sky was clear, and the stars were bright. I love the fact that looking at the moon made me feel as though Grubby was looking over us, protecting us. I am grateful for that full moon and the beauty that I was able to experience.
The Pugs are stubborn little shits who think they are royalty. Hell, who am I kidding? They are royalty in this house. Their royal highnesses hate going outside in winter weather, and they won’t just hurry up so we can all go back inside. Still, I wouldn’t trade them. They are sweet and loving and they have given me pause over the past eleven months as they have comforted me in my darkest hours. I suppose I will continue to do their bidding and walk them around until Spring comes because they don’t like the piece of grass that I shoveled out for them and would rather search for another… under that blanket of snow, mind you.
And, yes, I was angry with my husband… until I remembered that I had a wonderful life with him. Our love story was one for the ages, and it was worth every minute. It’s true that I cussed him six ways to Sunday and called him everything but a child of God when I was shoveling, but he can take it. He always could. He gave as good as he got, and in the end, we were meant to be. I just wish we’d had more time… and a heated driveway.
So, I am grateful that I had to shovel my driveway so I can drive to Greensboro tomorrow for a float session and lunch with my bestie. Both of those are things I look forward to every couple of weeks, but it sure was easy to forget that was why I was shoveling. And, hey, if I can’t drive the Beemer, at least I have the Jeep.
Now, I am off to the couch for some Pug cuddles (they’ve been coming in here pawing at me as I’ve been writing – told you they are spoiled!) and maybe some hot chocolate if Abby will hook me up. I’ve earned it, and I’m not angry anymore. I’ll be looking for that full moon again tonight… and I’m grateful for the Sun, and the Cardinal that just showed up.
Gratitude lists! Wonderful!