Leap Year and A Leap of Faith: Dating Myself

This past Thursday was February 29^th, which only comes once every four years. Since it was Leap Year, what some might call a special date, I decided to do something out of the ordinary for myself. I took a leap of faith and took myself on an outing.

First, I went to float. Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I started floating after Grubby died, as a way to practice self-care. I love my float days. I have learned to use the tank to my advantage, by stretching and meditating, and when I leave, I always feel happy and relaxed, much like I did in life before losing Grubby. So, although floating wasn’t out of the norm for me, what I did afterward was – very much so. I took myself on a date – with myself.

On float days, I usually have lunch with John after my float, which we have been doing since things started opening up again after the pandemic. I do my hair and makeup at the float spa before meeting up with him for lunch at my favorite lunch place in Greensboro. On the rare occasions that I have had a float scheduled when John couldn’t meet for lunch, I just get dressed and come home. On Thursday, I decided to treat myself to lunch anyway, so I got myself ready and headed to the restaurant. I checked in for my reservation of one and was promptly seated at a table – NOT at the bar, which is so often the case when one goes out to eat alone. Although it felt a bit awkward to be sitting alone, I did enjoy my lunch. I must confess that I was scrolling through my phone for about half the time I was there. Eating alone is something I haven’t done in years, probably since I was active duty in Europe, but I managed okay.

After lunch, I drove over to the theater to see a matinee of a documentary that I wanted to see. This was the first time I had ever gone to the theater alone. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as I had thought that it would be, and I ended up really enjoying myself. When the lights came up and the credits were rolling, I looked around to see that I was not only watching the film by myself, but that I was the only person in the theater! I guess you could say that I had a private screening.

These may not seem like a big deal to some. They wouldn’t have been to me in the past, but I know that my widowed friends will get it. For as long as we were together with our spouses, we had someone to talk to at a restaurant or after a movie, someone to share the giant Coke and the bucket of popcorn with at the theater. To take that step out of my comfort zone, which, since losing Grubby, has been my home; to take that step was huge and although it was a small victory, it was a victory, and I’ll take it. Of course, it may be another four years before I do it again, but at least I know I can.